Things You Can Do to Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Today I will discuss some simple, yet effective techniques that will help break down walls you may be building in your relationship. It does not make any difference if you are married or not. When two people value their relationship but have differences they are failing to resolve, something must be done. If nothing is done, the relationship will degrade, eventually resulting in either a breakup, divorce or the couple staying together but living an unhappy life. You obviously didn’t form your relationship with this outcome in mind.

One thing that you must understand is that it will take some effort to turn things in the right direction in your relationship. Any and all relationships take some nurturing to keep them healthy and happy. If you don’t believe this or are not willing to put forth any effort at all, reading this article may be a waste of your time. If you are ready to take a positive step that could produce amazing results, please read on.

Constructive communication is downright scary for many couples. Too many times the recipient of the message feels they are being attacked and goes into a defensive mode, many times with a counter-attack. When this happens, not only the constructive facet of communication is lost, but future communication is also jeopardized resulting in a destructive pattern. Rules of communication must be set, agreed to, and adhered to during your conversations.

Planned discussions with rules are a great way to foster constructive communication. When discussions are planned in advance by both parties, decided when and how often they are held, a potential threat of “who’s attacking who” is removed. For example, you and your partner agree to talk about your relationship every Sunday after lunch at 1:00 PM. You agree to stick to this schedule for 2 months, after which you decide if this schedule is working well or not. If you’ve made a lot of progress by then, perhaps you could switch to a monthly schedule. Below, I will summarize the steps to this simple, but effective approach to healthy communication.

1. Sit down with your partner and come to agreement on the following. What times and days will you have your discussions? Agree on rules. Discussions are always to be constructive. Try to present your case in a non-aggressive manner. “When you do this it makes me feel this way…” is a better approach than “You must hate me and not care about me because you always do this…” Always remember to stay calm. Arguing or raising your voice is not an option. After a couple meetings, you may have most of your main issues on the table. If you get through these initial meetings, it should get easier as you go.

2. At the beginning of each meeting, each partner will take turns speaking. When one is speaking, the listener should only listen and not interject comments. This is a time for the listener to do a self-evaluation and not look for a good comeback, but truly try to see it from their partner’s viewpoint. The speaker should remember to follow the rules of healthy communication. Do not portray your case as blaming or you will not get the results you are seeking. You may want to take notes about what your partner is saying and read those notes throughout the week. If you care about making changes for the good of the relationship, taking notes will help you keep your partner’s concerns fresh in your mind so you can act on them.

3. After each of you have voiced your concerns, now it’s time for you (again, one at a time) to recognize each other’s progress since the last meeting. Discuss any changes the other has made in their habits or behavior, no matter how small. Let them know that you noticed their changes and appreciate it. Remember, it takes time to change. Don’t expect rapid changes in your partner or you’ll disappoint yourself. If this is your very first meeting, simply tell your partner some things you appreciate about them. Finishing each meeting with positive discussion will help to “lighten the air”. You don’t want to leave a meeting with knots in your stomach!

I have shared with you some very basic techniques that can help you to make positive changes in your relationship. These techniques will only work if both partners are willing to put forth some effort, refrain from engaging in the blame game and be willing to take a serious look at their behavior.

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