Getting Ahead: Goal Setting

Let's face it: begging doesn't cut it, nor do threats and bribes. Not when it comes to homework and studying. That's because external motivators, like the promise of an MP3 player or the fear of grounding, have only short-term effects. Instead, make it personal. It's internal motivators, such as striving to meet goals and accomplishing them, that lead to more sustained effort and growth. As Time for Kids suggests, "Children whose goal is to learn are more focused on their own progress and are more willing to take on challenging tasks."

So, if need be, change your point of view. Says Judy Eberson, "Families that look upon education and study as an opportunity, not an ordeal, usually instill the same attitude in their children." That's step one; now keep going . . .

* Remind your child that effort is often more important than ability.
* Develop a strong work ethic in your child; model hard work and value learning.
* Help your child start an assignment or project, if necessary, but then stand back.
* Have realistic, but high expectations, and don't accept good enough as enough.
* Build on your child's strengths, and let your child know you believe in him/her.
* Remind your child that success requires time and effort.
* Focus on successes; help your child find opportunity in failure.
* Acknowledge hard work and praise true accomplishment.
* Encourage new experiences, such as sports, painting, music, drama.
* Help your child resist peer pressure not to excel.
* Share news accounts and biographies of hard-working, successful people.
* Set up a schoolwork schedule and limit distractions during such times.
* Help your child set goals and find ways to achieve them.

As for goals, never underestimate their power. Servants of motivation and success, they are at once guideposts and destinations, promoting self-satisfaction and accomplishment. Jim Morris, who, after failing to make the big leagues in his twenties, tried again at 35 and made it to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. He says, "You need to have a series of goals to get you to your major goal. Break down big goals and take it a little at a time. It doesn't matter how you get there. There will be ups and downs in everybody's life. It just matters that you don't quit and that you do get there."

To put it another way, your child needs to know that achievement requires not just the desire to succeed but hard work, too,, and that goals mark the way. And those goals need to be not just reasonable but also somewhat demanding to ensure a true sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction. Remember that self-esteem comes from attempting a challenging goal, working hard, and finally either accomplishing it or knowing you gave it your best shot, be it jogging a mile, finishing a book, or bringing up a grade. It doesn't stem from threats or promises of rewards, so tell your child to . . .

* Make goals both specific and positive, moving from, "I won't waste time," to, "I'll use my time well," and follow that up with a plan.
* Monitor progress and make adjustments if things aren't working out.
* Give goals a "due date," and place sticky-note reminders on bathroom mirrors, the fridge--all around the house.
* Share goals with others; not wanting to disappoint is a powerful motivator.
* Value positive self-talk, saying, like that little engine, "I think I can."
* Replace, "I can't," and "It's too hard," with "I'll do my best." No one can ask for more.

If, by now, you're wondering if all this goal-setting stuff is worth it, the answer is, "You bet!" Putting one foot in front of the other-always moving forward with a clear destination in mind-- is as good a definition of motivation and success as any I can think of. By setting reasonable but challenging short-term goals, progress is made. Make achievement the standard and share Aldous Huxley's words with your child: "There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." Don't wait.

About the Author: