Emotional Strengthening for Alzheimer's Family Caregivers 3: Our Thinking Can Create our Stress

Our Thoughts Can Trigger Our Emotions

In the previous section we began loking at a journal written by hary, an Alzheimer's family caregiver. The journal illustrated the connection between what we think and how our thoughts make us feel.

There's another very important point from Harry's journal. That is the fact that our thoughts trigger our emotions. When our thoughts are more sensible, we tend to have more moderate feelings. On the other hand, when our thoughts are more extreme we become more severely distressed and upset. And we lose focus and energy.

Don't believe it? Try this experiment. Take some sheets of paper, and begin to keep a journal of your thoughts. Use this outline:

Thinking/Feeling Diary

Each time you have an emotional flareup or a situation worth investigating, start by filling out the following:

"What am I feeling?" "What is going on?" "What are my thoughts?"

Each time you feel an especially positive emotion, write it in your journal. Then, write down what is going on around you-what actually happened? Then, write down all the thoughts, ideas, images, self-talk, and so on that you are having. Do not worry about making the journal look perfect, just note down as many of your thoughts as you can.

Now, each time you feel an especially negative emotion, do the same exercise. Track your thoughts. Before long, you can begin to notice for yourself the very close relationship there is between how you feel and what you think. You can become more aware of how the way you think influences the way you feel. This awareness can be an extremely powerful tool, as we shall see soon.

Here is an example from someone else’s journal:

"What am I feeling? " Contentment

"What is going on?" Good morning with my dad

"What are my thoughts?" I can enjoy this time. Seize the moment!

This example illustrates the relationship between sensible thinking and moderate emotions. The next example illustrates how extreme thinking can trigger emotional distress:

"What am I feeling?" Anxious and upset

"What is going on?" Dad is repeating himself again

"What are my thoughts?" Will this ever stop?I can’t stand this! It’s excruciating!

Conclusion: Sensible Thoughts Trigger Moderate Emotions, Extreme Thoughts Trigger Distress and Upset Feelings

This is a very important idea to bear in mind, so it’s worth repeating. The fact is that the more sensibly we think about things, the more in control we feel- and the more strength and power we will have to deal with life's stresses and demands.

On the other hand, when we have extreme thinking, we feel worse and we have less control. This is especially important when you think about Alzheimer's disease.

Why?

Alzheimer's disease puts many extraordinary and continuous demands upon even the strongest of caregivers. The disease progresses, and as it progresses, the person with Alzheimer's needs more and more structure and help. The stresses and demands on the caregiver increase.

How will extreme thinking affect a caregiver's energy? If the best caregiver in the world tortures him/herself with extreme thinking about these very real stresses, he/she will only end up feeling weaker and worse. It's kind of like being punished again and again for the same thing. Another way of looking at it is that extreme thinking can make you put $5,000 worth of pain into a $500 problem.

Why is this concept so important? Because it gives us the power to change what we can change. In this case, we can change how we think about things. We can't change many of the realities of Alzheimer's disease. But if we can learn to think more sensibly, we can reduce our distressed reactions, and increase our personal power in order to be the best caregivers we can.

We can change our thinking and that can change how we feel-and that changes our power.

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