My Daughter, The Cow

In 2002 my daughter Jillian was a beautiful bright third grader with lots of friends, who plays softball, takes tap dance lessons in the summer, and gets good grades.

She was also known as "Cow."

It started with a young man in her class who decided that all the girls in the class were now to be named after farm animals or some other beings not normally associated with third grade females.

The young man (who I believed was nicknamed something equally bizarre by the girls) decided that Jill would heretofore be called "Cow."

Jill and the other members of the animal kingdom decided that rather than fighting their nomenclature, they would embrace it.

Thus my daughter embarked on identifying her bovine nature to the world.

She began writing Cow on her papers instead of her name, something which the teacher allowed her to do.

She identified herself as Cow to her grandparents who, having heard worse from me growing up, didn't make much of a fuss.

She and her friends identified themselves with their new names to the world, and the world didn't seem to mind.

And Diane and I had a cow for a daughter!

It ended soon enough. Too bad...it could save a lot on the grocery bill. Have you seen the price of milk these days?

Truth is, I know what was behind this cow thing. And it's not just about being a kid.

People want to experience a sense of BELONGING so badly, they will often latch onto whatever seems most inviting to them at the time.

As adults, we try and align our identity with something in which we believe...that we feel good about. The Elks Lodge, religions, sports teams...all of these are places where we tend to park our group identities.

But when we're lonely enough and no one else comes a callin', the human mind can often rationalize participating in things where we normally wouldn't go.

Hate groups, organizations with charismatic leaders, other groups that don't necessarily have our best interests at heart become more attractive to those whose self-identities are on thin ice.

Sometimes the groups we choose to keep away from are more dangerous when they sincerely believe in what they're doing, even if it's abhorrent to the rest of the world. Adolph Hitler and Osama bin Laden had the belief.

Puts things in perspective, doesn't it? And makes you want to reach out to those who seem on the lonely side.

But fortunately, this turned out not to be a problem for my little calf. She's now a happy, well adjusted sixth grader. She knows that she's loved and protected.

It was just a kids' game.

And we'll never turn her into chop steak!

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