Forgiveness can take forever - but Love will set you free

Everyone seems to be working on forgiveness these days. We want to how to truly forgive so we can be at peace. We want to experience this feeling we have been told about that truly sets us free. The truth is, the feeling and freedom we are looking for does not come from finding forgiveness – it comes from finding Love.

We were told that if we can find forgiveness we will feel better. We know we need to find something because we are not enjoying feeling bad, hurt, angry or resentful in any way. We also know that if we continue to allow negative feelings to bother us, that we are literally hurting our mental and physical health.

Because we have been told that forgiveness brings us a feeling of peace, and peace is what we are seeking … we attempt to forgive, over and over. But forgiveness evades us because when we try to forgive, we find ourselves focused once again on those hurtful feelings we hold and then the painful events repeatedly circle in our minds. We cannot free ourselves of the drama.

Therefore we need to take a closer look at forgiveness for it is virtually impossible to forgive something when we keep focusing on the hurt and pain. How can we be at peace if we are continually reliving the pain and hurt of an event in our thoughts and hearts? We can’t.

Once upon a time an old man was robbed at gun point and he was beaten until he fell to the ground. He was found and taken to the hospital. During his recovery the nurse who was taking care of him noticed how undisturbed he was about the event. She asked him how he could be so peaceful and why he wasn’t angry at the man who did this horrible thing to him. The old man answered her and said; “I guess it all depends on how you think of things.” He began to explain that as the robber was taking all of his things; among them was a gold watch. The old man described to the robber that his grandfather had given him that watch just before he died and he asked the robber if he could please keep the watch because it meant very much to him. The robber looked at the old man, grumbled and threw the watch back at him. The robber then fled the scene and left the old man lying there. The old man explained to the nurse, when I think of the robbery what I choose to remember is this, the robber gave me back my grandfather’s gold watch that means so much to me, and even though he had a gun he let me live. He didn’t have to do either.

As much as we would like to, we cannot change another, what another does nor did - we can only change ourselves. Peace comes from finding and thinking something good about even the most hurtful events. It does not come from thinking and reliving the hurtful parts of the events we found ourselves in. To find peace, you must first find something golden (the silver lining) to focus on. Peace accompanies Love (the goodness or positive).

This wisdom is presented so you can feel good and be at peace when you think about an uncomfortable event or are with or think about a person that bothers you. It is very important to understand that this finding something good is for “you”. It is not for anyone but you. It is not for the one who you believe hurt you.

The ultimate wake up is most of us end up working on forgiveness forever, but if we find the Love we will set ourselves free of whatever it is. There is no forgiveness – there is only Love. Our challenge is always to find the Love (the good and the positive). When we do - having to forgive anyone or anything disappears for we are no longer focused on, and bound to, what is wrong or what hurts. It is the only way to truly be free of the negativity we are holding about any person or circumstance.

The old man found two good things, so can you no matter what has happened in your life. The moral ends up being … find the Love (something - anything positive to look at) or suffer the (consequences) worst of the event over and over in your mind and heart.

Therefore, if you are feeling bad and you want to feel good - change what you are thinking about now and how you are currently looking at the situation you feel bad about.
Change your perception – how you see the circumstance or person. Each thought causes you to “feel” a certain way. You can change how you feel by simply changing your thought. To feel good, find a good or positive thought to focus on. You need to find at least one good thing about the person or circumstance that is bothering you. The more good things you find, the better you will feel. Focus on these things and receive the gift your shift in perception blesses you with. This positive action on your part is how to make a life change; this is how to make your life better. It is the miracle of Love.

Forgiveness doesn’t work for the most part because it puts you in a place of focusing on what is wrong and what hurts. Finding Love works because when you are focusing on what is positive you naturally feel good. Finding the Love or good in things is how you experience life in a joyful way. When you get used to finding the Love in events, others and yourself, you experience a taste of heaven no matter what is going on in your life.

It is now that your homework truly begins. Every time your focus goes to back to the negative event or to negative thoughts about another (in the beginning we normally find ourselves reliving our negative thought patterns) – your job is to focus on the good and the positive. Keep returning your thoughts to the good and positive things you found. Every time you find yourself thinking about the event in a bad way - quickly return to the more Loving thoughts. Eventually the ping pong game of going back and fourth will slow down. You will be able to hold the good Loving thoughts … and as you do, you will be free. Free of the pain. Free of feeling bad. Free from having to forgive. And it will all be because you chose a Loving focus, you chose to find the Love - which is usually our challenge to begin with.

Love doesn’t change the past, but it does change the present and how you feel now. The choice was always Love. In the end all that matters is Love. Let what they did – be. Do yourself a favor, find the Love now and set yourself free.

About the Author: