Save Marriage

Save Marriage from Conficts

Conflicts are a part of life and marriage. As each partner makes the transition from individuality and self-sufficiency to coupledom, each wants to exert his or her own individual interests on everyday matters of life, and this is especially common in the first few years of marriage. This gives place for conflicts between life partners, and is one of the most pertinent issues facing new couples adjusting to living and sharing lives together. Living and thinking as a couple involves a period of adjustment and a change of mindset, which with clear communication, is possible to negotiate and bring you closer together. When couples are not able to solve their issues, problems ensue, and it is here that professionals can offer guidance to help couples learn conflict-resolving strategies. While some couples use these techniques effectively, some do not seem to get the hang of it.

Are you aware that there is an alternative approach to resolving conflicts without shouting or fighting?

Resisting the temptation to raise voices and fight is in fact more effective than any other strategy, and is your first step to developing positive responses to issues as they arise. Probably talking about problems and issues was never a proper solution, since emotions are involved and it’s hard to detach your emotions from your words. But have you ever tried loving actions instead?

Using loving actions instead of using harsh words can diffuse a heated situation and remind both of you why you are here. However, developing an appropriate loving action instead of wounding takes discipline and time. It takes time to unlearn old habits and develop new responses. Be proactive and not inactive when it comes to handling your conflicts. Here are a few practical suggestions that would make you handle your conflicts with a different approach. Here are some loving actions you could take:
Be non-judgmental and be compassionate towards yourself and your loved one.

When you show compassion to yourself and your partner there is a positive energy that brings both of you closer. There is warmth between the two of you. You tend to be softer towards each other. When there is no place for harsh words, mutual respect sets in. In the same way, when you do not judge each other it is easier for you to accept each other just the way you are. Accept your imperfections, both in yourself and in your partner. A key step towards living as a couple is in giving up the need to be right all the time. Not needing to be right will help you see good reasons for your partner’s feelings, behavior and point of view, instead of focusing on the faults.

Follow a principle of self-discipline
Control yourself from saying anything that is harsh and rude towards your partner. This takes a lot of effort at times, but the results are almost instant. Respecting each other is paramount. Just walking away from a conflict or a heated argument can prevent harsh words and regret. You could tell your partner politely you need some space to think and process your thoughts, and make a time to come back and meet again.

Walking away enables you to take control of yourself and come back with more love and compassion for your partner. This short interval is enough for both of you to cool down. When you start talking again, you would feel refreshed and you know you could approach the problem in a calmer way. You both realize that you do not need to control the other with anger, blame, explanations, etc.

Own your reactions
One of the keys to moving forward in a marriage dispute is to realize that while you cannot control the actions or reactions of your partner, you are in complete control of how you choose to act. Nobody actually makes you shout, insult, berate, or controls your moods. They can contribute, but ultimately the choice of response is yours. Don’t let someone control your emotions. Empower yourself by choosing your response and taking responsibility for it. Instead of trying to change your spouse, changing yourself would help you gather your own personal power to handle tough situations.

Give a hug
Sometimes doing the least expected thing can bring forth an unexpected result. Next time you feel yourself getting wound up and about to have a fight, go and give your partner a hug or a kiss. Doing something totally unexpected like that can take the stem right out of a situation, and remind both of you why you are together. It sounds easy, and it is.
Loving actions are those that enable you to maintain integrity and love, even in times when you disagree with your partner. Conflict is okay. It’s okay to disagree. In fact, you should! The key to positive and negative differences is how you choose to view and react to the issues you disagree on. Loving actions halt power struggles between partners. So the next time you have a situation, reach back to that part inside you that has a disciplined, positive response. Actions speak louder than words.

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