Keeping Children Safe Part 2

Often times when a child is being abused sexually, the abusing adult or older child will manipulate the child into silence, by a blatant threat to the child’s mother or caregiver, or to the child her/himself. You need to make sure that the child knows that is not true, and that you are going to protect her/him, and that nothing bad will happen to you or the child if s/he tells you truly what is going on. You need to let them know that you are strong and that you are not going to get hurt.
Be aware of the signs that sexual or physical abuse is going on. If a child becomes suddenly despondent, listless or unfocused it could be a sign that is something occurring. If your child really resists a person, and doesn’t want to kiss, hug or be held or touched by a particular person, or becomes very disturbed if they have to go with that person, don’t press the issue. If your child suddenly develops a fixation for her/his own genital area, or adults, or develops a more explicit sexual vocabulary than their age, remember they could be repeating what they have been taught. Chronic Nightmares, chronic fits of temper, or the child is becoming overly moody or aggressive, chronic constipation, or chronic lack of appetite could be signs that something is going on with your child and they are physically reacting to it. Don’t assume that you know what is going on. Ask if someone or something is bothering them. Let them know they are very safe.

Safe touching and affection Children also need a lot of affection and hugs. Tell them that you love them, give them attention, comfort, and touch them in safe affectionate ways. It is important that you speak to children and make them aware of what is safe touching and what is not. In very simple words explain that certain areas are private and only for them. No one else has the right to touch certain areas, such as their mouths, genitals, or buttocks in ways that makes them feel uncomfortable. Also explain that if anyone does touch them and it hurts or makes them feel uncomfortable, that the child should tell you right away. Let them know that you will listen to them. Assure them that nothing will happen to them.

Access to wisdom: At an early age children can learn to trust themselves if they are taught to trust themselves. If you speak with children and reflect back to them what is going on, I know that they can access their own feelings, and their own wisdom. An easy question to reflect back to them might be “How do you feel?” “Does it feel nice inside your belly or your chest?” Does it make you feel happy when you think about this? Help them to begin to trust their feeling and their instincts. They will know that you can be trusted and that you can also trust them, and they can trust themselves. Children need time to process and understand what is going on around them.

But they need your confidence in them to begin to evaluate things for themselves. Let know that it is okay for them to have their own opinions and that they can find the answer inside of themselves too. Accessing inner wisdom is also something that is taught by example. They follow your behaviors of trusting yourself too. They will also emulate your behaviors of dealing with stress, and your take on life. If you are bad-mouthing every person and every situation, children will pick up on this as well. If your built in belief system tells you that everyone is out to get you and people are predominately bad, children will get that with every fiber of their being. So be careful of what it is that you are transmitting to your children.

Balance: is very important for children and teenagers. You need to show them how to balance priorities, and their playtime. Take the time to show them how to do things well and why? Lead with examples of your own life. Balance your own time with them. Balance your work and off time. Encourage them to rest and take needed breaks sometimes. You do the same. If you teach children with love they will respond with tremendous love, affection, attention, and honor. Call them honorable too. These little adults in the making will grow according to how you nurture and care for them. So start having a relationship now with them and watch them develop into loving beings.

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