Do you ever spell witch with a â€œbâ€?

When you live with chronic illness and pain, there have to be days when you are faced with the “screaming yellow terrors.” I can’t be the only one out here who has these days when my car should be a broomstick and I would definitely have to spell witch with a great big capital “B.”

This mood has many causes. It is the pain, the confinement, fatigue, loss of self-image, physical limitations, and on and on. You know them all as well as I do. There are times when living with chronic pain is horrible, irritating, exasperating and always annoying. Naturally, some days are worse than others. These are the days your spouse looks at you and instinctively heads for the hills, must wash his car or volunteers to work overtime. I’m not certain, but I think the dogs even look at me a little strangely on these days, peaking out from under the furniture. They know. I can’t really call this condition “the blues” because that’s too soft and lovely of a color. It is more like the chartreuse and violent oranges or the puky, discordant hot purples.

On those days, I am certain I cannot take another problem in my life or in my body. One more problem, and I will probably explode all over the walls. The experts tell us the greatest frustrations in our lives are those over which we have no control. That sure makes my little hand go up - how about yours? These are the days when life is totally off-center. I’ve had this chronic problem for so long, I know exactly what to do to get my life back on track or at least I have a darn good idea, but it isn’t always easy to find the energy. Let me sum it all up for you, just in case any of these methods might help you, okay?

1. I give myself permission to have a lousy day. I don’t deny what I feel, and, instead, I plunge right into it. I rant and rave. I cry and feel sorry for myself. Then I tell myself it will end, and I must get through it without causing any pain to those helpless individuals around me like my husband, the family pets or any other poor soul who happens across my path.

2. It helps me to get some order in my life. I tackle the unpleasant chores first, just to get them over with and promise myself I will reward myself with something fun after the unpleasant chores are completed.

3. I always keep my promises to myself. What will that reward be? The whole idea is to “feel good,” so the list is long and varied. My answers are peculiar to me and involve the actions which give me pleasure. They’re different for all of us, of course, depending on our talents and tastes. I might read a new book, dig out an old favorite movie to watch or get in the car and get out among people. I might drive across town and hug a grandchild, visit a friend or phone one. I might take “Annie,” our Jack Russell to the drive-thru at McDonald’s and buy a bag of french fries. Then we drive down to the Columbia River and eat them. She loves fries and better her hips than mine.

4. I make myself take life less seriously. One thing that works for me when I am in the depths of self-pity is singing. You have to be all alone in the house, but it does help. Try it. Try singing that old spiritual, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen.” I feel so silly when I do that, but I can’t get beyond the second line, “Nobody knows my sorrow,” without bursting out laughing. There’s just something about feeling so morbidly sorry for oneself that makes you face your silliness head-on.

5. I have long, candid conversations with God. I tell him honestly what I feel. I have to tell someone, and he does have the broadest shoulders of anyone I know.

6. I employ good personal hygiene. That whole “letting yourself go” thing doesn’t work for me. It only makes me feel more like a worm.

7. Then I exercise. Even if I only feel like something light, walking a bit or lifting a light weight or stretching, it still gets those endorphins going.

8. Lastly, I do something creative which gives me short-term gratification. It can’t be housework or laundry, it has to be creative. I write a poem, bake a batch of cookies or go online and do some Christmas shopping.

We’re all different, yet we are so much the same. Bad days don’t last forever, and we have to know ourselves well enough to know how to survive them.

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