Life's Passion-Part 5

So, Scott, how was your first sexual experience this night? Not too good God. Okay, what can you tell me about it? Well, it started out great, we were kissing passionately in the back-seat of our car, one of our friends was the driver, and he was taking us to our hotel suite, so we could be alone together and consummate our marriage. Everything was great until I got into bed with her. We started foreplay and I was aroused but I could not have an erection. How did this make you feel Scott? Like less than a man, God. I began to question my own sexuality and wondered if I had been “cursed” by you for my some of my personal sexual explorations on myself. So, Scott, why did you feel this “curse” as you said from God on not being able to consummate your first married night with your wife? Because God, what I taught my son about sexual exploration is what I felt about my own sexual explorations. So, Scott, in other words, what you taught your own son about expressing his sexuality is not necessarily what you did right? Right. I would sneak it in God from time to time as my biological urges came into my consciousness. So, how did that affect you on this night my beloved?

I thought to myself that this was God’s way of punishing me for being sinful and experimenting with my own sexuality with masturbation. So, what really happened here Scott? What I realized later God was that I was just too tired the night we were to consummate our sexual relationship, and I was just too excited too. I was up most the night before and couldn’t sleep, and then with all the excitement of the marriage ceremony, and all the events around the marriage, I just was too excited to “get-up.” This not being able to “get-up” caused me great anxiety whereby I translated it into thinking you had “cursed” me forever. That this was my punishment for my own sexual experimentation on myself, I thought. Were you finally able to consummate your marriage my son? Yes, God the next day my wife and I had a great time and I felt great relief that I was not “cursed” forever as before thought. I realize after a good night sleep, and after all the hub-bub around the ceremony that I was back to normal again. Good. But it still had an impact on your life did it not? Yes, God it still did.

I know this is wrong now…I realize its folly now…but at the time…it was very real to me. I also felt feelings of shame and embarrassment. I wondered what my wife would think of me…that I didn’t love her enough to be able to consummate the relationship or that I was a homosexual and didn’t like women. These are the thoughts that streamed through my head at the time God. Yes…I know…I was there with you…I did feel your anguish and pain that night my son. This is why I wanted you to get it out into the open here Scott. Not to embarrass you my child, for much of what you experienced in this event, is what others experience in their own sexual relationships, but they don’t have the heart to bring these deep feelings to the surface. So, Scott, my beloved friend, thanks for being so vulnerable with your own sexual experience here for the entire world to hear about.

You see Scott, that by just being open and sharing the truth can, and will help others, come to their truth too. So, I am so supportive of you Scott, and I hold you in great esteem and honor for sharing your most intimate of feelings…even if they were uncomfortable in expressing them all for the world to see. You have great courage my beloved. I also did this for your benefit too Scott…did you know this? Yes, God, I know you are able to help others, and to help me too. Yes, Scott, that is always my divine intent is to help you all in this journey you call life. Scott, here is a secret for you to know…You can always tell me everything without any fear of telling me you’re your deepest and darkest secrets…because I already know them. You never have to hide them from me in embarrassment. I know everything here even though for you it seems like the first time you have really expressed these thoughts to anyone…except maybe, your beloved wife. Scott, this is the kind of relationship I am really after with all my beloved children of the earth. Total honesty in bringing all things hidden to the light, my child…for I dwell in, and am THE LIGHT. It is in this honesty with me, where you will get your greatest healing, and comfort.

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