Beyond the Edge of Reason
by Tajuana Ozaneaux

Tajuana, although young in years, she speaks from the wisdom of her elders and her own personal experience. Tajuana is an amateur writer who is not afraid to step out of the box and the beliefs of her family to write what is in her heart.
 
 
 
   

 

 

 

 

Featured Article
Questioning My Sanity

At times I feel bombarded with information. Promises of products, individuals, systems that will give me the answers, answers like, how to be more beautiful, how to lose weight easily, how to find that special someone, how to get money or whatever it is I desire.  

   Maybe itís just me, but it seems that more and more, information or promises such as those previously mentioned are being pitched to and advertised in the societal mainstream. Perhaps this gives reference to the idea that we are all seekers of something. Be it knowledge, spirituality or some quick fix way to obtain our desires; if you look, itís all out there. Iíve been searching for something since I can remember. That something  didnít really present itself through my studies of religion, science, philosophy or all the other stuff I tried. But I continue searching, thinking that when I find that next thing, thatíll be it for sure. Instead I find myself going further down the rabbit hole of mysteriousness. I have these conversations with myself; I ask myself, how will I know when I find it, if I donít know what it  is? Iíll just know when I see or hear it.  I answer myself, leading me to question my sanity. Not for searching for something for which I have no clue, but for talking to myself. After all, society doesnít view that as a positive thing.

   There are no coincidences and one-day I happened to stumble on to something while surfing the net. A site that when I read it, something resonated within me. I communicated with this wonderful soul who started me on an incredible journey. A journey that could lead to the answers Iíd been looking for. However, it was nothing like I expected. No meetings or lectures to attend, no books to buy, nothing I thought finding what I was searching for would entail. Instead it was work; really difficult and sometimes painful work. Not pain from physical labour, but from taking a long hard look at myself, who I am, why I am the way I am, and why I believe the things I believe.      

   What was the basis for all these aforementioned things? Were these beliefs,  that gave rise to my personal view of the world healthy? If not, why was I allowing such harmful behaviors? Iím not out to hurt myself or anyone else, for that matter. There was no one to tell me if I got the answers right or whether I was going in the right or wrong direction. When I posed those questions, I was asked to look deeper into myself to allow the answer to surface. That involved digging deep and doing the ego dance. My ego didnít want to cooperate or deal with any of what I was trying to do. Instead all sorts of excuses came to mind, like: I was being too hard on myself or fooling myself. Any excuse that would stop me from taking the long hard look that would free me from these limiting and unserving beliefs I had formed since childhood. Then, the dam broke. Its waters rushing me along an obstacle course of incredible intricacy.

   As I fought my way through, this voice inside kept telling me that it wasnít all for naught. When the deluge subsided, I found myself floating in the sea of My New Beginnings. As I floated in the waters of realization, I watched the beliefs collected over my lifetime float by. All those unserving ideals/beliefs which were largely the beliefs/ideals of others,  Truths of what others  thought was right or best, interspersed with those of my own creation. I realized that floating by me were the beliefs of my parents, friends, and professors and of strangers whom I had blindly allowed into my existence and my reality. With that epiphany, I began to bathe in the waters of my  truth.

   From an early age, most of us are taught to absorb information, facts and various philosophies. We are taught not to ask too many questions; but rather to accept what we are told as truth, especially if it comes from someone whom we are told is or perceived to be authority. However, through questioning my beliefs Iím uncovering my truths. Sure, Iíll continue to surf the net, read the books of which I have interest and enjoy dialogue with those who share as well as those who donít share  interests similar to my own. The difference now though, is that with each turn of a page, click of my mouse, or conversation; I accept them to be the experiences and truths of others. And should their beliefs or truths resonate with my own, thatís fine. If they do not, thatís fine too.

   I know that whatever I read, hear or experience, if I permit, my higher self will perceive that which is important for my experience or growth and manifest it in a manner that is conducive for me. Nothing is etched in stone. What I believe today, will change at some point.  Just as a snake sheds itís skin to accommodate its growth, I know I can shed my beliefs to accommodate and experience new truths.

   Iím a much happier person having connected with another part of myself a higher self, per se. I realize that this reality is truly what, we ourselves make it. That trying to live through the lives, eyes or experiences of others caused me confusion sadness and unnecessary pain.  There are no right or wrong directions, only Direction, and even that is only an illusion. 

    So, Did I find what I was looking for? Yes and No. Yes, in the respect that I found that the realization to find what I was seeking couldnít be found while I was looking outside myself. No, in the aspect that looking inward has shown me that this incredible journey is never ending. There is no it,  thereís only One. The One that is all of us.

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