Choose Happiness First
Have you ever wished for or wanted something because it would
make you happy? When you got it, were you happy and for how long? If what you
did or received didnít bring you the happiness you anticipated - why?
first met him in grade school; Brian always talked about being married and
having two children. Throughout the years it was what he most talked about; how
happy he was going to be. When he finished school, got a job, married someone he
loved and had children; he would be the happiest person in the world.
School was not easy for Brian, he was small in
stature and the bullies loved to pick on him. The more difficult school became
for him, the more he would drift into his imagination and envision his new life
after graduation. If it was going to happen it would have to be later as he was
just not popular with the girls in school or anyone else. Withdrawn and
unnoticed he struggled through 12 years of hell, just surviving, and except for
As his friend I wanted him to be happy and I also
looked to his new found happiness when he finished school. What a wonderful life
he was going to have with his family and friends. We talked about how his wife
would look and how she would love him and take care of him. His children filled
with love for Dad would be totally devoted to him and they would follow him
around like puppies. Brian had big dreams and absolute faith that life would be
easier and filled with happiness once he had what he wanted. Twelve years of
struggle finally ended on his graduation. He refused to attend the ceremonies
and gave the thumb up gesture to the whole idea.
Brian quickly found a job and made a down payment
on his first car. This was a symbol for him as the very first step in finding
his long overdue happiness. Just over three weeks into his job, he met a girl
and started dating, and six weeks later he was married. Ten months later Brian
proudly introduced his son to the world and 18 months later a daughter.
Brianís whirlwind tour had netted him everything
that he wanted except for one thing. A few years into his marriage Brian was not
happy, in fact he was never so miserable in his life. Nothing he did or had
brought him the happiness he so desperately wanted. His relationships with his
wife, children and even his car were not happy ones.
Psychologists would look back to his childhood and
suggest many things contributed to his present situation. On the surface I would
agree with them. However, I look to the root causes and break things down to
their simplest denominator.
On the surface his family relations may not have
been very positive. His relationships with his siblings could have contributed
to his negative attitude. His small frame and frail appearance may have
disempowered him. But these are all physical attributes of a life he manifested
that was not filled with happiness. From the beginning the reality of all these
things was that he did not choose happiness first.
Brian disempowered himself to be happy by attaching
happiness to things and events that were going to happen in the future. Brian
had become quite comfortable with not being happy. So in every moment of his
young life he decided he would be happy later. Happiness for him was outside of
himself; it was something that would come as a package later.
The truth is we are not victims of circumstances;
we create them. It is not correct to judge Brianís life as being wasted. In fact
his life was lived exactly the way he chose. At some level of consciousness he
chose not to be happy now, but to set a goal to be happy in the future. Judgment
ignores the destiny of the spirit; what the spirit has chosen to experience;
what we observe of oneís life is always appropriate in the moment. Brianís
struggle in the beginning could well lead him to total bliss in the future or
not. I donít know what it is that Brian wanted to experience in the physical
life, and apparently he didnít know either. Every step we make leads to another,
sometimes the step seems to lead away from our destiny, but this is not
possible. All steps lead to a final destination.
Happiness doesnít come to us; we are happy by
nature. In the reverse order we think of happiness first then seek to express or
demonstrate it physically; this is not the way Brian chose. It still does not
mean that what he chose would not bring him happiness if we are to look at the
greater picture. It may well mean a side step to happiness that will have
greater meaning and expression.
The reason Brian didnít experience his happiness
in his choices was because he had no power to make it happen. He gave away his
power to people and events and it was not delivered. There are no things, events
or people in the world who can ďmakeĒ us happy. Our emotions are triggered by
our perspective; how we see ourselves in relationship to others and our
environment. A happy event for one can be just the opposite for another. When we
leave our emotions to the whims of others we will always be disappointed.
Brian could have been happy at any point in his
life if he had chosen to be. With the thought of happiness as his current
desire, he would have drawn people, places and things to him that would reflect
his happiness. What he chose was a different way to demonstrate his journey to
the awareness of happiness and his own power to manifest it.
All of us have heard someone say ďIf only I had
this or thatĒ I would be happy. Think back a bit; were they happy and if so, for
how long? After the initial happiness, did they go into depression,
disappointment, anger or some other emotion; most likely. Somewhere along the
way after the event, they chose to feel some other way. Happiness attached to a
thing or event does not last if it was not preceded by the will to be happy. If
the awareness of happy is attached to an object or event, then once you have it
you have reached the end of your journey. Even if the happiness remains for some
time, when the object or event is removed the attached happiness will disappear
as well. The awareness may remain in memory for a period until it is forgotten.
To last, the awareness of happy would have to precede the event and the physical
manifestation would be the symbol of that happiness.
Can Brian ever be happy; of course, itís simply
about choice? Can he be happy with his present circumstances; of course? He can
change his thoughts about what he has or is experiencing and turn his life
around. He can also leave behind what he already has, if it does not reflect his
true feelings. It certainly may not be easy, or maybe it would be if he chose
happy first, and then decided to act on it. It may very well come easy for him
to start a new life that reflects his current feelings of happiness.
Happiness, sounds, looks, feels, smells, and tastes
different to everyone. No two people identify with it the same way. The real
truth is that happiness is expressed through these senses differently not the
other way around. The senses react to the desire to be happy.
There are a couple of things to remember here.
Happiness precedes the physical manifestation of it. You are always happy by
nature and you choose to experience it or any other emotion in your own unique
way. Thought, word, and deed are the steps to creating your experience. Never
depend on anyone or anything to bring you happiness Ė it isnít going to happen.
Know this; you are the creator of all things you
will experience. No person or god has any control over you. You are a victim
only if it is what you wish to experience at some level of your consciousness.
In all things you create, be aware of what it is
you ďreallyĒ desire as very few people actually know what they want. Also, if
happy is all that you are, you will never experience it. Happy is only relative
to unhappiness, you must know both in order to experience either one. Choose the
one you most wish to experience.
Roy is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. An international published author, a student of NLP, spiritual philosopher, New Age Light Worker, Teacher and Phenomenologist. Roy's books and articles are thought provoking, and designed to empower your imagination.
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