Making Hard Choices
Most of us like to find our comfort zone and build our lives around it—but for many this is the beginning of a slow death or dissention into a life of boredom.
It is the nature of all things to change, so why is it we are in a hurry to find our comfort zone? For many, it is the way we have been brought up, and we do it for others. People want us to settle down for their convenience. They want us to gather in groups so we fit into their comfort zones. Governments, organizations and those who would control us would prefer us to be easily accessible and assimilated.
In the beginning of humanity the world was divided into five continents and five races. Over time all races have become intermixed. It is humanities instinct to explore, to discover new lands and peoples. For those who never settle down they have found their comfort zone and making changes and it is never a hard choice—but a welcomed one. Change is the only constant in life. At some point in our lives many of use will make a choice to settle down, not the other way around. From the time we are born we live for change. We wonder about what is out there, about our adulthood and what is waiting for us, and if we are encouraged by our parents, change becomes our goal.
The longer we stay in our comfort zone, the more difficult it is to make a decision to change. We have become root bound and there are many forces which would have us remain where we are—we are swimming upstream and moving very slowly or we are swept backwards.
For those who have become bored or aware of their stagnation, the break away may be very difficult. In our zone we have established barriers not to be crossed. Fear has crept in and taken a firm hold on our egos and we are convinced we will not survive. We have told ourselves it is better to remain where we are than face the uncertainty of the unknown. Where others find comfort, we find fear.
It is because our ego is afraid of extinction that we cling to what is known and ego will fight any change. For some, there is the fear of not being able to return to what is known when we fail. Relationships with family and friends are for most the hardest to leave.
Being alive and living are not necessary experienced as the same thing. For amongst the living dead in relationships where there is no growth, living is pure hell. I think one of the most foreboding feelings of doom is being alone in a relationship. The feeling is the ego going down for the third time and knowing he has drowned.
We become overwhelmed by fear, guilt and a sense of responsibility and we talk ourselves into staying. If one has died in a relationship, there is nothing to give back except for that which is already expected of us. In the process of moving from a dead relationship one brings a new opportunity for life into it, change has to be made for all those involved. By disturbing the status quo there is cause and effect or change, and change is all that life is.
Because we are raised to be selfless, we consider the well being of others first, however, this is our own death sentence and we become co-dependent in a relationship that is going no where—selflessness brings hopelessness. In the greater picture it is wise to be selfish and consider yourself first. If you have nothing, you have nothing to give. If you think of yourself first and follow you dreams you gather things and you have things to give away—all others benefit from your abundance. There is little gain from one who has lost everything except for an opportunity for you to give. Change brings abundance, new thoughts, new ideas, and new opportunities to share yourself with others. Fear is a crippling companion not to be trusted.
If you find yourself in a crippling relationship, what is it you are contributing? If it is your body or what you can do for another and you do not feel gratified—you have given a lie. You have contributed unwillingly from obligation. Obligation is a denial of self if it is not willingly given. The body is not life—life is what animates the body. Giving you body to another without the spirit of life is bringing death close to them—they will die and so will you from your disease.
In the greater picture the decision to live always works in the best interest of all those concerned. Leaving a relationship brings heartbreak and sadness, but it also brings new life. Life is what you feel when you leave. Liberation is what you feel when the hurt is gone. Freedom is what you will experience and freedom is life, the words are interchangeable. You will always survive any relationship even if you are not certain of the future.
Without the chains holding you back you will be free to make new choices and you will experience being alive. Choice is life and you have no choices when you are dead. In considering leaving your present circumstances, embrace the fear you are feeling—know it is part of the first steps you are taking. Acknowledge the awareness of it and you will overcome it. Fear not, and you have probably not taken a step—your lack of fear is acknowledgement of a step not taken. Fear is not your enemy—it is your decision not to experience it, that is.
Freedom is not freedom unless it is exercised. Choices are not choices unless they are made. Freedom, choices, and unconditional love are what you are. You are not alive unless you experience them. Meaningful choices are hard to make. They require moving from your comfort zone, but they also promise the highest rewards. The creator did not know he was alive until he found a way to experience it—he does this through you. It is his nature to experience life in all its aspects—you are the creator experiencing. It is also your nature to change, to evolve—to experience everything life has to offer. There is no life in the box.
You are life itself. With this awareness, it will make your decisions less disturbing and painful. But it is not intended that you not feel anything. You will however, make better decisions which work for you, and you will give more to others through your experience.
Roy is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. An international published author, a student of NLP, spiritual philosopher, New Age Light Worker, Teacher and Phenomenologist. Roy's books and articles are thought provoking, and designed to empower your imagination.Review Roy's new book at: http://www.yourlifewasnevermeanttobeastruggle.com