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by Robert Najemy
CLARIFYING
FREEDOM
Freedom is the absence of internal or external obstacles towards the
fulfillment of our highest possible needs or happiness.
Happiness is a state we experience when our needs are fulfilled and
we do not feel the pressure or pain of an unfulfilled need. A need can be
physical, material, emotional, social, mental or spiritual. We can be just
as unhappy because our emotional or spiritual needs are not being fulfilled
as we can when our physical needs are not being fulfilled.
Our needs may also concern what we want for others such as our family,
friends, society, the environment and the planet.
Our needs can be satisfied by ourselves, by others or by the “Universe” God
or “Life”. When our needs are not satisfied, we feel pain, hurt,
unhappiness, injustice, bitterness, disillusionment, discouraged, betrayed,
depressed, angry and even hateful and revengeful towards those we believe
are obstructing us.
When our needs are satisfied, we feel happy, safe, grateful and loving
towards those who help us.
“Freedom” is the ability to direct our energies without obstruction towards
the fulfillment of all of the above-mentioned categories of needs.
We can divide the obstacles to freedom into external and internal. In the
end, however, we will see that they are all internal because an external
obstacle can limit our freedom only if we fear the consequences of ignoring
those external pressures or threats such as what others think or losing our
job. In reality our only obstacles to freedom, happiness and love are
fear and guilt and of course our beliefs that we are not free.
Freedom to Natural Rights
One type of freedom we all seek is the freedom to the natural rights of
every human being – without exception. (Except perhaps for those who
temporarily loose a few of those rights because they have misused their
freedom in ways that are dangerous to others and thus live in prison.)
1. Freedom to move freely from place to place without obstruction from
the ruling powers.
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Freedom to think, believe and express ourselves in the
ways that we are guided from within.
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Religious, spiritual and political freedom.
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Freedom to have equal opportunities to work, create
and express ourselves.
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Equal opportunities for education, work, economic
development and expression.
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Equal opportunities to fulfill basic needs such as
food, housing, water and transportation.
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Freedom to gather with others for the purpose of
exploring common interests.
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Equal treatment and protect by the systems of law,
health and education.
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Freedom of expression.
Freedom vs. others’ rights and needs.
It is logical and lawful that our freedoms should never create harm to others.
Thus all of our freedoms are subject to the basic prerequisite that we never do
to someone what we would not like them to do to us. Thus we are free to express
ourselves as we feel, but with the prerequisite that we do not treat them in
ways that we would not like them to treat to us.
This brings up the basic question of whether we are talking about, “freedom for
the personality or for the soul?” There are times when our soul has different
needs from those of our personality. Some of our personality’s needs are:
security, pleasure, affirmation, power, acceptance, acknowledgment, wealth,
possessions, superiority and others. Our personality needs these so much that it
is often willing to ignore possible consequences to others and the environment.
Our personality is very much isolated and sometimes alienated and easily forgets
our ultimate oneness with all. Thus it is capable in the name “freedom to
satisfy its needs” to make decisions that are harmful to others and the
environment and eventually to its own self.
This is why human freedom is only now after so many centuries gradually
appearing as an important factor in human consciousness. Our history until now
has been one of very little freedom for the common person. This freedom is still
lacking in many parts of the world that are still ruled by dictators. Another
factor leading to freedom today is that of economic freedom, which allows many
people access to many needs they would have never fulfilled in the past. Until
now we have not had the emotional mental and spiritual maturity to use our
freedom in ways that are simultaneously beneficial to us, others and the
environment. This requires spiritual clarity, less alienation and greater
identification with others and the whole. Only then can we use our freedom in
ways that will actually bring us the happiness we seek.
We are now being given the opportunity to wisely use this new gift of freedom
with clarity, love and wisdom.
Reactionary “Freedom”
Another problem is that we have been programmed to believe that others - the
government, our spouses our parents and other outside forces are what limit us,
suppress us and prevent us from being able to have what we need. This is
especially true if we have been subject to suppressing or restrictive forces and
as children.
We then tend to associate freedom with certain activities such as.
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Being “free” to eat whatever we want and
whenever we want.
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Being “free” to spend as much money as we like.
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Being “free” to smoke and drink as much
as we like.
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Being “free” to do whatever we want regardless
of how that affects others.
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Being “free” to have sexual contact with
whomever we want.
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Being “free” to say no when others request
something from us.
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Being “free” to ignore others needs.
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Being “free” to break the rules and
ignore the laws.
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Being “free” not to work when we are
supposed to.
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Being “free” not to do what is being
asked of us.
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Being “free” from responsibilities and their
possible consequences.
Confusion about
Freedom
These “reactionary freedoms” obviously not real freedoms. Real freedom in many
cases would be the opposite. For example
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The freedom to eat what really serves my health.
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Freedom to use our money in ways that actually bring
long term happiness.
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Freedom to not smoke and not drink so that we may
create greater health and happiness.
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Freedom from subconscious reactionary energies based
on the past so that I can feel oneness with others and behave in ways that
benefit myself and others simultaneously.
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Freedom to use our sexuality in ways that really
creates meaningful and lasting love relationships.
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Freedom to be able to say “yes” when we would really
like to respond to someone’s need.
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Freedom to respect others needs in a way that we would
like them to respect ours.
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Freedom to respect and abide by laws that are there to
protect the whole and create social equality and harmony
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Freedom to work conscientiously with love as I would
like someone working for us to do.
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Freedom to respond with love towards those who request
something from us.
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Freedom to take on responsibilities and enjoy our
creative abilities without fear of failure or consequences.
The Reality of
Freedom.
The reality is that we are and always have been free to do what we haven chosen
in each case. This is because in every moment we have made and are making
decisions based on our needs, fears and programmings. We are never actually
being suppressed by others. We are being suppressed by our needs, fears,
beliefs, programmings and attachments. These are the forces that suppress us and
cause us to make choices out of guilt or fear and then feel that we are not free
and being suppressed.
We can be “forced” or “pressured” to do something we do not want to do, or not
do something we want to do, only if we fear the possible consequences if we do
not “comply”. We might fear being rejected, or losing someone’s love. Or
perhaps losing our job or some source of income. We might fear reprisal from the
others if we do not do what they want. Or we might feel that we are not good
persons if we do not do what we are supposed to do.
In all of these cases, we have the freedom of choosing to loose their love, our
job or risk being harmed, rather than do something we do not agree with or that
does not coincide with our values, beliefs or needs. The fact that we chose to
do otherwise is a “free choice”. We have “sacrificed our freedom” or “traded our
freedom” in order to protect our self-worth, security or some other need. We
could have chosen otherwise. In a way we are using others as much as they are
using us. We are behaving in a way so as to get what we need or want or are
addicted to from them. There is a mutual “barter” going on. We give them what
they want in order to get what we want.
Christ and Socrates were order to stop teaching or die. They did not barter.
They chose to continue to teach because they did not fear the consequences. They
chose death over restriction. We too have this type of freedom once we eliminate
our various fears and other emotions that cause us to actually “suppress
ourselves.”
An important result of the realization that we are free to not do what the
powers around us (parents, spouse, children, profession society, religions,
government) are dictating is the ability then to choose to do what we are
being asked out of love and understanding rather than out of fear.
There are two possible lessons when we feel an inner conflict because we are
“supposed” to do something or not do something.
One possible lesson might be to overcome our fears and lack of self-worth and
realize that we are free do as we are being motivated from within. In such a
case we can work with various methods such as EFT, Sedona, Freeze Frame etc. to
change how we perceive this and feel safe in following our heart.
Another possibility is that we need to let go of addictions, programmings,
beliefs and fears concerning our freedom and be able to do what is being asked
of us with love – with no trace of suppression or resentment. In this
case our growth lies in transcending – perhaps with the same techniques – all
obstacles to being able to do with love what is being asked.
Both paths are valuable and we need to be able to determine what our lesson is
in each case. One way to do that is to imagine ourselves making separately the
first choice and then the second and observe how we feel inside. Determine which
choice feels better – happier, more full of joy and love. Another way is to seek
to understand the motives and needs that lead us to each choice. Fear is not a
good guide. Love and happiness are.
Often just realizing that we are free not to do “what we have /
are supposed to do”, allows us to use our freedom to actually do it. An example
is a woman I know who did not want to visit her husband’s relatives after her
husband’s soul departed. She was being pressure by them that, as a proper widow,
she should visit them every Sunday. She hated and resented this very much but
feared what everyone would say if she did not comply. (Also they considered her
responsible, because her husband had committed suicide).
After about fifteen minutes of EFT on her fear of not going, she was free from
this fear and felt free not to visit them. After around five minutes of
discussion, I asked her to close her eyes and decide what she wanted to do now
that she was free no to go. She answered, “You know now I want to go, because I
feel their pain and want to help them.”
This is a very important fact. When we feel that we have no choice – that we
“must” do something, we feel pressure, suppressed and angry. When we realize we
are free, we can then do the same thing with love and a sense of freedom.
Thus the fact that everything we do is actually a free choice is an extremely
important truth to remember. All of our life we have been making free choices
either to give up our freedom to get what we want from other or not give our
freedom and do as we really believe and need. No one else was ever responsible
for those choices. No one today –expect ourselves – is responsible for those
choices.
When we realize this, we can confront our fears of complying and of not
complying.
What are some of those fears and other obstacles?
These are our true suppressors.
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Fear about what others think about us and our loved
ones.
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Fear of losing our money or source of income.
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Fear of failing at some effort.
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Fear of being wrong.
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Fear of being alone in life.
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Fear of death.
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Fear of rejection or criticism.
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Feelings of unworthiness and the fear that we are not
worthy to have what we need or want.
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Addictions to certain habits or substances such as
smoking, drinking, certain food substances.
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Addictions to certain emotional states or entanglement
such as conflict, rejection, anger, hurt being the victim and many others.
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The need for acceptance and love from certain persons
or role models.
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Various beliefs, programming and taboos about what we
are allowed to do and have.
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Beliefs about what we are capable of manifesting.
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The role of the victim and unhappy one, which does not
allow us to have what we want, because then we would not be the victim or
unhappy.
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Fear of punishment if we do not do what others want.
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Fear that we will loose our self-worth if we do want
the others want.
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Fear that if we do what others request of us, then we
am not free.
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Fear of saying “no”.
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Fear of saying “yes”.
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Fear of expressing needs and desires.
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Feeling weak and unworthy if we express needs or
desires.
Our true freedom
can be gained by overcoming this inner obstacles. Then we can be honest with
ourselves and free either to say “no” to external forces or say “yes” with love
and understanding.
What are those possible “understandings” that might help us.
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We live in a family / society in which our every act
and behavior has an effect on the whole. We can choose to abide by laws and
rules that we perceive and agree are for the greater good, even when they
might not coincide with our temporary needs or desires at a particular
moment. This is a form of emotional, mental and spiritual maturity.
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We multiply what we would like to do by one million
and ask if today one million people did that, what would be the result.
(such as throw trash from the car, double park, step in front of others in
line, not pay our taxes, build illegally.) Freedom requires maturity and
social consciousness.)
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We lovingly avoid doing anything to anyone we would
not like them to do to us.
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We put myself in the other’s position and imagine how
he or she feels – or what he or she needs at this moment.
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We remember that we are souls in the process of
evolution at that there are times that our personality wants or fears
something that as souls we perceive differently. This brings up again the
question, “freedom for the soul or the personality.”
As
personalities we desire fulfillment of the temporary needs of
the body and mind – usually so that we can feel safe, worthy, pleasure,
powerful or in control. As souls we desire freedom from those needs
and a sense of inner self-worth, security and power that allows us real
freedom to be and do what really allows our growth and evolution.
Inner conflicts and Freedom
Thus the problem of inner conflicts where one part of ourselves wants to
do something and another does not. For example one part want to diet, stop
smoking, leave a job, meditate daily, wake up earlier, create a
relationship, forgive someone, start a new profession, move to a new
location, or any thing else, while another part of ourselves fears or feels
suppressed by these possible actions. In such a case we are simultaneously
the suppressed and suppressor.
Such conflicts of needs also attract behaviors, comments and pressures from
others that simply reflect the forces conflicting within us. In such
cases we feel that others are pressuring us or conflicting with us, when in
fact they are just external manifestation of our own inner conflicts.
It is important to understand that the apparent external pressures will
disappear when we resolve our inner conflict. How to do this is explained in
detail in my book Saram. A start would be to observe understand, accept and
love both sides of ourselves and allow them to communicate in an attempt to
find a common solution.
Release of childhood experiences and assumptions will help in this process,
as will EFT, Sedona, Listening to our Heart and other techniques.
We are free souls and we create our lives with our choices. When we make
choices based on programming, addiction, guilt and fear, then we willfully
barter our freedom for feelings of security and self-worth. When we
internalize those needs and feel inner security and inner self-worth, then
we will make choices based on love and real freedom.
“No” and “Yes” with Love
As shown in the example above, In order to be able to say yes, some of us
need first to be able to say “no”. This means that we need to be able to
feel secure and worthy when we have examined what is being asked and we feel
that “no” is the appropriate answer for reasons that we have considered. To
do so means getting free from beliefs that we will loose the others’ love
and acceptance if we do not do what they ask. This is a very common belief
logically developed from our childhood years.
But let us ask ourselves, “do we want others to do what we request because
they fear losing our love? Do we want them to suppress themselves and be
unhappy doing what we want and not what they want? Will we loose our love
for them if they do not do what we want? If the answer here is yes, then we
logically fear losing their love. If we can continue loving others even when
they cannot or do not want to do what we want, then we too deserve to
continue being loved by them, when we cannot respond to their needs from
time to time.
Think about it. Do we want their love and acceptance if we can have it only
by suppressing ourselves and doing only what they want? Do we want such
love? Is that love?
Actually in most cases, we will continued to be loved by others – perhaps
after a period of tension because they feel hurt that we are not complying
with their needs. Love most often prevails. It is only our fear of rejection
and perhaps our lack of love and acceptance for ourselves that suppress us
in such a case.
Thus we can learn to feel free to say “no” with love, rather than with anger
– because we are feeling defensive and expecting rejection or an attack from
the other. The more peacefully and lovingly we can say “no” the less likely
the other is to react negatively. In such cases it is also very important to
express to the other that we love them and want them to be happy and would
like to give them what they need, but cannot or choose not to at this moment
for the following reasons…
Feeling comfortable saying “no” with love is based however on our ability to
being able to hear “no” with love. If we cannot, then it will be difficult
to learn this lesson.
Then we are much more free to say “yes” with love because, as we have seen,
being able to say “no” with love opens us up to the possibility of saying
“yes” with love.
What then is Freedom?
Freedom is the absence of fear.
Freedom is the absence of addiction.
Freedom is the absence of hope and need.
Freedom is based on inner security, self-worth and fulfillment.
Freedom is born from love and allows love.
Freedom then is the ability to make choices based on what really
serves our needs as souls in the process of evolution. This is possible when
we realize that we are always actually free and that every action, sacrifice
and self-suppression has been a free choice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years
of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the
Internet. Over 600 free articles, lectures, relaxation and positive
projection as mp3 audio. Become a life coach. At
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/
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